can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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