I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
