So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
