I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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