Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
