quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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