i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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