I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
