guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I skipped work to stalk him.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
