Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
