her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it's like iHOP with fire
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize