why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
