I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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