Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
