sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
