Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
