If i come over, it means nothing
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
