Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My Sexting was not on an AP level
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
