She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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