You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
