I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
