dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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