Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
