i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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