So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
