I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize