I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
