we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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