do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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