I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you win again, gameday.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
