don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
