I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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