He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
