i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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