dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
