My hand turned me down
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
