Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
