The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're like the curious george of whores
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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