i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
