Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
