they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
