he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
