did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
