The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
