yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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