If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize