Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
