i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
