apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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