Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
