I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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