Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have feelings that need drinking.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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