i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
