Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
