it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
