He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
