Need sex. Gaining weight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
