Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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