Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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