My cat gives me a boner
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
