when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
