Non-Jews are for practice
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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